I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
ttyl tear gas
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize