bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
