I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
