You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I party with great urgency now.
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