Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When did angry sex become our thing?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
