there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
