Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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