she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
