What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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