Your mouth is God's brothel.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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