Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize