why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
how does that bad decision feel?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
