If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
