girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
