I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
