u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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