Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
