I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
