he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize