careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Idk if I want to put a bra on
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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