well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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