btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
