so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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