so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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