Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
