I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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