does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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