when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
