"it" just moved
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
