I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
