Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
