If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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