"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
