Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dicks are not precious.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
