The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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