I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
