Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
