And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
