You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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