if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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