i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
