Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
