Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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