the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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