I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
sex in a hospital.. check
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
