honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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