Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
