my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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