I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
