Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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