She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
