I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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