Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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