im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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