I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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