so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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