I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
