yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
