Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
