im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Holy sore nipples Batman
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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