i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
