I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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