I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
