Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
