i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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