I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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