the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
