he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
