Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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