You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
