Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
