What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm both gender and math confused
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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